a. Vegans always pick apples with worms in them.
b. Protein builds strong muscles, ah? Keep in mind, muscles developed in a gym, not in the kitchen.
c. Where do you think cows get their protein from, meat?
d. Don’t rock and twigs contain protein?
e. I get protein from my muscles!
f. I never get protein; I died 20 years ago. What you see standing here talking to you is a ghost.
g. I could ask you the same thing about calcium, iodine, vitamin C, vitamin E, fiber, folate, and magnesium. In recent studies, people on the Standard Western Diet were deficient in all of the previously mentioned nutrients.

The Serious Answer: Sure, one can get enough protein on a vegan diet. All whole foods contain abundant protein, but on the Western Standard Diet high in animal foods, around sixteen percent of the calories come from protein. Too much protein is the cause of most western type diseases such as certain cancers, diabetes, heart disease, and osteoporosis. Because our bodies are more alkaline than acid, when we consume animal protein that our bodies can not utilize, our bodies must figure a way how to neutralize the acidity. So it leeches calcium phosphate from the bones, and it goes out through urination, thus creating brittle bones or osteoporosis. The World Health Organization says as humans we only need 2.5 percent of our total calories coming from protein. On a plant-based (vegan) diet consisting of fruit and vegetables, one averages five percent or more coming from protein, which is plenty of protein. Protein is made up of amino acids. Our bodies need essential amino acids, which are only produced by plants. There is not a single animal in nature that is capable of making essential amino acids.

a. Forget it! Fish has a fishy taste and a fishy smell.
b. Who do you think we are, bears?
c. I only eat fish bones.
d. How can you eat someone that stares at you from a plate with sad eyes?
e. Oh yeah, I forgot I need to consume more mercury, cholesterol, and saturated fat.

The Serious Answer: Fish are friends, not food. We don’t eat our friends.

a. We are, if you omit the word “natural,” and replace it with “indoctrinated.”
b. Imagine a situation: You salivate in sight of a rabbit and jump on the pray before giving it a thought. You tear the body apart, sink your teeth into the flesh covered with fur, munch on the internal organs, and drink warm blood.
c. It’s also natural for some cultures to eat dogs and cats. Do you think this is natural?
d. What is so natural about killing another being, when we don’t have to?
e. Oh yeah, I never noticed we had claws, fangs, and night vision.

The Serious Answer: Our bodies may be able to consume a variety of different foods, but biologically we are herbivores, better yet frugivorous. According to many anthropologists, humans originated from the tropics of Africa. It was not until we migrated North in search of food and clothes to keep ourselves warm, did we eat and use the flesh of animals. And only then, we did it for survival. Today we don’t need animal products to survive, and in fact, it is killing us, the environment, and other animals more than ever.

a. Why do you continue to mow your lawn then, if you believe plants feel pain?
b. Have you ever kicked a tree before?
c. I never thought plants could scream.
d. Become a breatharian then.
e. Oh, yeah, I forgot about the time I ate a strawberry, and it screamed in pain.

The Serious Answer: Science has proven that plants do not have a central nervous system and thus can not feel pain. It may be reasonable to believe that all life-forms including plants contain the ability to feel emotions. However, the feelings of plants cannot compare to animals. In our hearts, we know that cutting into a tomato or eating a banana is very different from killing a pig or chicken. We know that chickens and pigs feel pain and they suffer tremendously. Mother Earth wants us to eat the fruits and disperse the seeds upon the ground to grow other trees. Even if plants had the ability to feel pain, this does not give us the right to view nonhuman animals as property. Also, by not eating animals and their secretions, we consume fewer plants, as animal agriculture feeds a large portion of plants to the animals before people kill and eat them, which could otherwise be fed directly to us. For example, one pound of beef requires feeding up to sixteen pounds of grain to the animals. As a result, there are tens of thousands of children worldwide, who starve to death every single day. We would be able to feed all humans on Earth with the food we currently grow, thus eliminating starvation forever. But more importantly, we have to eat plants to stay alive and be healthy. Our bodies do not need animal foods at all, except in the rare case for survival. If one is genuinely concerned about plant sentience, one can become a fruitarian, as fruits cause the least amount of harm compared to any other food.

a. So, you are saying bees are just insects?
b. So, you eat Vomit Nut Cheerios?
e. Mmmmm, bee vomit!
f. What about if I stole the food that you were making for your family?

Answer: According to The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, “Simple, refined sugars (syrup, honey, white sugar, brown sugar, soda) provide calories but no nutritional benefit when it comes to cancer prevention and survival. It is easy to overdo it with refined sugars because they are not filling. Therefore, they can promote weight gain, which increases the risk for certain types of cancer. In addition, there’s some evidence that the elevated insulin levels resulting from the consumption of refined sugars may increase cancer risk, and potentially impair survival. For these reasons, it’s important to consume a low-fat, plant-based diet limiting refined sugars and choosing healthier sweet foods, such as whole and dried fruits, that have cancer-fighting nutrients and fiber.”

a. Ask yourself this question. Why did God Make humans out of meat, if he didn’t want us to eat each other? Go ahead and chomp on your arm. God made our flesh out of meat as well.
b. The Bible says: “Thou, shall not kill.” It does not say; thou shall not kill humans. Therefore, we should not kill anyone period.
c. When and where did God tell you to eat meat?
d. Did you know that in the Bible “meat” meant nourishment?

The Serious Answer: There is no passage in the Bible that says that we actually should eat the flesh of animals. And in Genesis 1:29 And God said, “Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which [is] upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which [is] the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

a. Were you around the cavemen era to verify this?
b. Then go live in a cave like a hermit and eat meat.
c. Did you know cave dwellers never cooked, seasoned or even added condiments to meat? They ate the flesh raw, with blood smacking their lips.
d. Then why do you buy your meat from a supermarket? Go out and catch and kill the animal with your bare hands and rip them with your teeth and eat them raw.
e. Yes, but they also never read books or used the internet. But you do those things? You hypocrite!
f. Stop being a caveman or cavewomen and be a decent human being, for Pete’s sake!
g. One question for you. Do you live in a cave? End of discussion.

The Serious Answer: We evolved from caveman/women to civilized beings. We no longer need to eat the flesh or secretions of animals. In our modern world, we can choose to live non-violently with our buying and growing choices. Let’s evolve instead of dissolve.

a. Lions greet each other by sniffing each other’s butts, and sometimes they even eat their own excrement. Should we be mimicking those behaviors as well?
b. You are not a lion, you dumb bell!
c. If you are a lion, try taking down a zebra or buffalo with your bare hands and start chomping away.
d. Yea, but they also eat the meat raw.
e. Are you a fan of Gazelle sushi?

The Serious Answer: Lions are born with fangs, claws, and a digestive tract with the ability to digest flesh. Lions have killer instincts, night vision, and the speed and agility to catch their prey without weapons. Humans do not have these.

a. Several herbivorous animals have canine teeth as well, so that’s no excuse.
b. Maybe we have canine teeth because we needed them back thousands of years ago for survival. Today we have supermarkets or can grow our food, so we don’t need meat to sustain us any longer.
c. We just call our teeth canine, but they are nowhere near as long and as sharp as the teeth of carnivores.
d. Just because we have feet, doesn’t mean we should be kicking people.

The Serious Answer: Human, canine teeth are not as strong and sharp as omnivore or carnivore animals are. We cannot rip and chew the hide or bones of an animal. Our canines are only used to bite into harder plants foods like apples for example. The human jaw also has a side to side motion, compared to true omni/carnivores which only operate up and down. And because we can thrive as vegans, there is no biological need to eat animals.

a. Even if he was vegetarian, there is still much suffering and death involve with dairy, eggs, and honey.
b. I know many people who are vegetarian and have violent thoughts and actions.
c. He was not vegan. End of story.
d. Who cares, he murdered many people.
e. How do you know? Did you ever meet him?
f. How do you know he wasn’t a character actor played by Walt Disney?

The Serious Answer: We really don’t know if Hitler was vegetarian or not. There are many claims without any verifiable evidence. If he was vegetarian, vegetarians still support violence through their buying choices of eggs and dairy. It is time to evolve and be vegan and stop pointing fingers at others.

a. He may have eaten fish, but he also walked on water. Can you walk on water?
b. Some people also kill other humans. Why mimic people’s evil qualities?
c. Don’t forget that was thousands of years ago when people might have needed to eat animal foods to survive. Today we don’t need to consume animal foods to thrive.
d. Why do you always mimic bad behaviors of people?
e. Think for yourself. BE VEGAN!
f. So what? Jesus ate fish. You don’t have to eat fish. Think for yourself. Don’t copy anyone.
g. How do you know? Did you ever meet him?

The Serious Answer: We really don’t know if he ate fish or not. There are many debates about this. We should evolve and think for ourselves and not follow others.

a. Mmm, humans!
b. Is that all you can say?
c. That is great! You know two words. You are brilliant.
d. You also look delicious. Can I eat you?
e. I wanna eat your arm.
f. Mmm, fruits!
g. Mmm, burnt pig fat!
h. Is that all you can scream out of your car window? (Referring to vegans at a demonstration or protest).

The Serious Answer: This comment is so ridiculous that it requires no response.

a. Their babies drink the milk.
b. Yes, go a suckle a cow now! You are still a baby. That is why you don’t see any logic to your stupid question.
c. How many cows in nature do you see explode?
d. Do human mommies explode when we feed children infant formula?

The Serious Answer: When cows are pumped full of hormones, antibiotics, chemicals, and we add the same things to their feed, they may experience complications. But this question is also illogical. Please go and learn about cattle physiology and stop asking hypothetical questions that never happen in nature.

a. If it is hard being vegan, how do you think I stayed vegan so long?
b. Yes, it is very hard being vegan. There are no fruits, vegetables, beans, lentils, grains or nuts around. Vegans are starving to death.
c. Another stupid question. Do you have any more idiotic questions to ask me?
d. Yea it’s difficult to wake up to the truth about animal cruelty and to see my family and friends support it.
e. Yea it is very hard being vegan. I am so pale and malnourished from eating salad and grass all day.
f. What’s so hard about being vegan? I eat pasta, pizzas, cakes and other foods, without cruelty involved.

The Serious Answer: It is very easy to be and stay vegan. All you need is a loving heart and drive to do it. There are many wonderful foods to eat in the plant kingdom. Vegans aren’t starving and eat a variety of amazing abundance of tastes and textures. Find a vegan potluck in your area and see/taste for yourself. Vegan foods are delicious. Mmm, vegan pizza!

a. But don’t you kill mosquitoes too?
b. That, unfortunately, is unavoidable. But buying animal products in supermarkets is avoidable.
c. I guess I am a hypocritical mass murdering vegan.
d. Yea I usually do it with guns, knives, captive bolt pistol or a machete.
e. Somewhat, Vegans may only kill insects if they are harming them.

The Serious Answer: The idea is to try to be as compassionate and loving as possible and to avoid causing suffering as much as we can. Sometimes vegans may unavoidably harm others or inadvertently kill insects to protect themselves.

a. Are we on a deserted island now? Why ask this stupid hypothetical question when we know that this is never going to happen?
b. The animals would need plants to eat. So, we would eat those plants instead.

The Serious Answer: Another silly question, not worth the time answering. Go to a deserted island and see for yourself what happens.

a. How many vegans do you know that are in hospitals? How many non-vegans do you think, end up in hospitals due to their eating habits? (example, heart disease, diabetes, cancers, etc.)
b. Do a web search for vegan bodybuilders and ask me that question again.
c. Visit veganbodybuilding.com
d. So, should they jump in a tanning bed and start eating dead animals?
e. Yea I think I am ready to die now!

The Serious Answer: There are many different types of vegans both ranging from light to dark skinned, and some are various athletes: cyclists, runners, swimmers, power lifters, and bodybuilders. Just because you saw a few emaciated vegans, doesn’t mean all vegans are like this.

a. That is unavoidable you dumb shmuck!
b. You also kill bacteria. Should I say more?
c. Are you an advocate for People for the Ethical Treatment of Bacteria (PETB)?
d. We only do it in self-defense when the bacteria are acting us.
e. Yeah, I can’t wait for the next episode of vegan bacteria hunters.

The Serious Answer: Harming or killing bacteria is self-defense. There are good and bad bacteria, and if we happen to succumb to some illness, we may need to fend off the infections. But we do not happen to kill others just for our taste pleasures or entertainment deliberately.

a. What food chain are we talking about? The imaginary one humans came up with.
b. Let’s see you run around with no weapons in a place with lots of lions.
c. The only food chain that humans are on top of is the “Fast Food Chains,” “Junk Food Chains,” and “Microwavable Frozen TV Dinner Chains.”

The Serious Answer: Humans created the idea of the food chain, and because we see ourselves as superior to all other beings, we put ourselves at the top of this imaginary food pyramid, which has to do with ego. It is more like a circle of life, where we are all interconnected and depend on each other for survival.

a. So, is killing and death okay in moderation? Or what about smoking cigarettes in moderation? Or what about rape in moderation?
b. Who the hell came up with this moderation crap?!
c. Everything in moderation? Okay, let’s rob our neighbors now in moderation.

The Serious Answer: Not necessarily everything in moderation is heathier or ethical. But there is no clear direction as to how much is considered moderation. Humans can tolerate some unhealthy practices, but doesn’t mean we should do them in moderation. There is no real acceptable moderation of necessary killing or harming.

a. No. You could also eat kale and iceberg lettuce.
b. You don’t have to eat salad all day long. Only three times a day.
c. You can add rocks and twigs to spice up your salad.
d. Oh, I forgot salad is the only food available in the plant kingdom.
e. I guess you never ran a web search for vegan recipes?
f. Yea you can go out with the rabbits and eat all day long.
g. No, just grass.

The Serious Answer: Vegans do not eat just salad all day long, and some do not even like salad at all. There are delicious vegan foods, like fruits, grains, legumes, and others that make up some amazing dishes.

a. When I die!
b. Are you sure you are normal?
c. What constitutes normal?
d. I forgot normal people eat dead animal carcasses, and bovine sections, chicken menstruations, and bee vomit.
e. I am eating our normal biological diet.

The Serious Answer. Vegans are eating the most natural biological diet. We do not smack our lips with the blood and muscles of animals, but delicious fruits and veggies right out of nature. Our culture believes eating animals is normal. Because everyone is doing it, but it doesn’t make it right or natural.

a. I once saw a dog dancing to soul music.
b. Who are you, God? How do you know?
c. How do you know, you have a soul?
d. Do you mean that they have souls [soles] on their shoes?

The Serious Answer: The New Oxford American Dictionary states that soul is “the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal.” A soul is also something science cannot prove unequivocally. It is also up to interpretation whether anyone has a soul.

a. Yes. And then after that, bacteria rights.
b. Insects are animals, you dumbbell!
c. Insect liberation now!

The Serious Answer: We respect the right for all animals to live free lives without the interference of human beings. Zoos that keep insects on display, butterfly sanctuaries, or cockroach and ant farms are all examples of other beings in control and manipulation of humans.

a. Real men are kind to animals.
b. Real men eat fruit.
c. Real men don’t need other people to tell them what a real man is.
d. If you are a real man who eats meat, go and bench press 350 lbs. You got your protein, bud?
e. What classifies a real man?
f. I know a vegan woman who can beat you in a boxing match.
g. You are a wimp!

The Serious Answer: A real man is a kind and compassionate person who wouldn’t cause unnecessary harm to others. Eating animal foods don’t fall into that category, so eating meat automatically disqualifies someone as a “real man”.